Cross-Cultural Friendships: The Hidden Strength Behind Better Working Relationships
In informal surveys with more than 200 workshop participants, I have noticed a recurring pattern: those who have strong professional relationships with colleagues from other cultures often also have cross-cultural friendships.
Interestingly, their friends and colleagues are not necessarily the same people. This suggests that cross-cultural friendships may develop attitudes and skills that can be transferred to other working relationships.
My Own Cross-Cultural Experience
In my international school role, I worked with parents from more than 50 nationalities, teachers and academic leaders from English-speaking countries, and local staff and teachers from China.
Although I was born and raised in Singapore, I was fortunate to develop close friendships with people from both the United States and China. These friends became trusted advisers whenever I had a cultural question or was unsure how to interpret an interaction. They helped me recognize different perspectives, question my assumptions and consider how others might interpret my words or actions.
Gordon Allport’s “contact hypothesis” offers one possible explanation. It suggests that meaningful interaction between people from different groups can reduce stereotypes and increase understanding. Cross-cultural friendships may deepen this effect by giving us a safe space to ask questions and see the individual behind the cultural label.
At work, interactions are often shaped by roles, deadlines and hierarchies. We may cooperate without truly understanding one another. Friendship allows us to hear personal stories, have more open conversations and become comfortable asking questions.
Through these experiences, we exercise what we call our “cross-cultural relationship muscles.” We become better at listening without judging, checking our assumptions and accepting uncertainty. We learn that silence does not always mean disagreement, directness does not necessarily indicate disrespect, and warmth may be expressed differently across cultures. We can then apply these lessons to relationships with other colleagues.
Strengthening Our Relationship Muscles
Cross-cultural friendships cannot be forced, but we can create opportunities for connection. Ask a colleague about a festival, food or place that is meaningful to them. Invite someone for coffee or lunch and share something about yourself too. Friendship grows through mutual exchange.
Apply the same habits at work. Replace assumptions with respectful questions. If a colleague responds unexpectedly, pause before assigning a negative motive. Build trust through everyday conversations before misunderstandings arise.
Most importantly, see the individual before the culture. Culture influences behavior, but so do personality, experience, age, language ability and professional role.
Cross-cultural friendships do not guarantee successful working relationships. However, they give us a valuable place to practice curiosity, patience and flexibility—and those qualities make us better colleagues.
Reflection Questions
Which cross-cultural relationship muscle—listening, questioning, adapting or accepting uncertainty—do I most need to strengthen?
When a colleague communicates differently from me, do I respond with curiosity or make assumptions?
Action Plan
During the next two weeks, begin one informal conversation with a cross-cultural colleague. Afterwards, identify one thing you learned about the person and one lesson you can apply to another working relationship.
