When Compromise Means Nobody Wins (and Someone Ends Up Soaked)

The Problem with Trying to Please Everyone.

Permit me a little storytelling this month—I promise it’s not only amusing but decent leadership fodder!

We (as in me, my husband, and our six-year-old daughter) recently went camping for the night.

Well, “camping” in the loosest, most glamping-adjacent sense: I booked a yurt-type thing. Basically, a hotel room covered in a big waterproof sheet. It had a proper bed, a private bathroom, electricity… even laminate flooring. I’d gone for the ultimate compromise—trying to meet my daughter’s dream of actual camping (tent! fire! endless crisps!) and my husband’s firm stance against anything involving pegs, bugs, or countryside.

My take on it was, this was a night away in the peaceful countryside. A chance to silence the city. It didn’t matter where we slept. It didn’t matter what we ate. This was 24 hours as a united family, simply enjoying each other's company and the beauty of a natural landscape.

I thought I’d nailed it.

Photographer - Rosie Peet, Age 6

Spoiler Alert: I had not nailed it. I came nowhere close to nailing it.

There was no tent to pitch, so my daughter was outraged before we’d even unpacked. The lack of fusty sleeping bags and fire-starting opportunities made things worse, and to top it all off, there was nowhere for her to build a den. She made a reference to that episode of Bluey—you know the one where she meets Jean-Luc?—and suddenly I realized where the camping references had come from.

Meanwhile, my husband sarcastically berated me throughout our “fun” family activities. We rented bikes (overpriced, of course) and five minutes in, my daughter staged a protest and decided she was done with bike riding. Now, we never condone violence, especially towards children, but in that moment… well… you’ve been there, right?

Next up was canoeing. A full twenty minutes passed before my husband, drenched and seated in the back, declared enough was enough and that we must immediately return to dry land.

And there it was: three people, three different ideas of a good time. No one was happy. Everyone was mildly resentful.

Loading the washing machine (hate!) after a 3-hour car ride back from Chongming Island (hello bank holiday traffic) got me thinking about compromise.

We talk about it like it’s the holy grail. Let’s find a middle ground, let’s make sure everyone has a voice, let’s keep the peace. But in practice? Compromise often means every party gives up something important and ends up with something… well, yurt-like. A decision that’s nobody’s first choice, but slightly less annoying to everyone than the alternative.

In leadership, as in life, this kind of “everyone loses a little” compromise can really slow us down at best and totally F us over at worst! We dilute bold ideas to keep everyone comfortable. We aim for consensus, buy-in, and alignment. But where do we land? Mediocrity!!!! And if there is one thing I hate more than anything else, it’s mediocrity. Sigh.

Sometimes, what’s needed isn’t a compromise, it’s a reality check. I think compromise is so often rationalized as keeping others happy, when in fact, it’s often because we’re avoiding the tough conversations. The ones where people leave disappointed. My attempt to please both my husband and daughter was really about protecting me.

What we all needed was clarity. Crystal clear clarity. Had I even explained to them my reasoning for wanting to take this night away? Had it even come up that my objective was to hear birds tweet and leaves rustle? We needed clarity on who this trip was actually serving—and if you’ve not figured it out yet—it wasn’t everyone, despite my rationalizing.

So this month, I’m inviting you to look at where you might be compromising out of habit rather than strategy. Where are you compromising because it’s easier than having a difficult conversation and potentially upsetting someone?

What are you watering down just to keep the peace in the short term?

My point is, the issue was not with the trip, or the yurt, or the activities. The issue was that I sold my family a compromise so that I could get a night away in the countryside—and it’s only on reflection that I noticed I’d even done it.

So yeah, in the end, my attempt to engineer the least offensive option resulted in no one being fully satisfied and everyone being a little damp.

In my attempt to grow from this experience, I’ve put together this month’s top tips based on the exact opposite of what I did and thought about how they translate into our work as leaders. I hope you like them.

Actionable Tips:

• Name the trade-offs: If you’re feeling stuck in a “meh” decision, write down what’s actually being sacrificed by each party and whether those sacrifices make sense.

• Clarify the goal: Ask yourself (or your team): What are we really trying to achieve here? Then gut-check whether your current plan actually serves that.

• Be willing to disappoint… strategically: Disappointing someone isn’t failure; it’s often the cost of staying focused. Not everyone needs to love every decision.

• Make space for boldness: Create moments where you don’t try to please everyone. Call them pilots, prototypes, or experiments, but make space for ideas that go all in.

Also, if anyone has a lead on a luxury hotel room with a terrace/garden and space to erect a tent, do let me know.

Jokes!